Habit Stacking… how 1% becomes reality
Last week, we talked about how a 1% shift towards health, done consistently over time, can change your entire life. If you haven’t read that post yet, you can do that here. Today, we’re going to talk about how to make that 1% a reality. But, first, let’s talk about the “why” behind the “what”.
I once sat with a wife who hated her husband. Every sentence that she said spewed bitterness and resentment towards him. She couldn’t forgive him for the mistakes he made. She couldn’t see the good in him anymore. She wanted to love him. She wanted to have a healthy marriage, but, she was so deeply embedded in a critical mindset towards him that it seemed impossible.
“Do you want your marriage to work?” I asked her.
“Yes.”
“Ok, what is a 1% shift towards health in your marriage?”
We decided that her 1% was going to be thinking or saying out loud one good thing about her husband every day. Don’t be surprised if you get to that part and you cringe at the thought of the 1%. Remember, she was so deeply embedded in criticality that thinking of one good thing a day to say about her husband felt hard. We couldn’t even ask for it to be said to him; that was too much. It had to be by herself. And, you know what? That’s ok! 1% is 1%... don’t make it more than it needs to be.
If we left it right there (and if I were a betting woman), I could almost guarantee you that it wouldn’t have amounted to anything. What? What are we missing?
We had the action, but not the timing of the action.
A goal without a plan is a dream. An action without a specific time is just good intentions. Lives aren’t changed by good intentions.
There are two ways to go about this… well, technically, probably countless ways… but there are two primary ways that people try to do this. The first takes a superhuman amount of willpower, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t have it. Nevertheless, some people can just start a new habit. They can disrupt the equilibrium of their life with willpower, start a habit, and see it through. I cannot. Willpower and I are not friends when it comes to disrupting my normal routine. However, if I add something to something I’m already doing… BINGO.
This is called habit stacking, and I promise you it works.
Every morning you brush your teeth. Every time you get in the car, you put your seatbelt on. Every time I pull into my driveway, I check my phone. Every time I ______ fill in the blank.
So, for my friend who needed to think (or say) one good thing about her husband, we decided that every time she put her seatbelt on in the car, as she buckled it, she would think one good thing. That’s it. That 1% change, over time, can be added to.
Eventually, she was ready to think two good things about him. And, if you think “eventually” is a long time… sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. In this case, it was a couple of weeks. So, after two weeks of consistently thinking something good once a day, she added coming back home as the second time she would intentionally think something good. Another week or two, she noticed that she thought of something good in the middle of dinner. And on and on it went, until eventually (and this one is over months…), she realized she felt less critical towards him in general.
That’s one example of many that I could tell you. In my own life, I’ve used this practice to deepen my relationship with my children (one good thing, and ruffle their hair when I walk by them), to change the way I mindlessly scroll engage on social media (moving the apps to an iPad instead of on my phone), to increase gratitude (Jeep! Tell me something good). I’ve used it to create routines around my prayer life, my mental health, my physical health… and today, five years after being introduced to the concept… my life looks different. (A reminder: nothing is perfect. Not everybody starts from the same level playing field. Progress is progress.)
So, let’s review:
A 1% shift towards health, done consistently over time, will change the course of a person’s life.
The way we add that 1% is by habit stacking. Find a habit you do every day, and add that 1% to it in a sentence that sounds like, “When I _______, I will ______.”
Once you’ve done that 1% for a while, when you have enough momentum going, add another 1%.
That’s it!
It sounds easy, because it is.
And… it hinges on the phrase “consistently over time”, so manage your expectations and your pace wisely.
Who’s with me? Send me your 1%’s… I want to encourage you along the way!