November 2023 Blog - 20 cans. It’s all I need right now.

“Mom! You forgot my cans!” my seven year old wailed as he climbed into the car on Friday morning. “I’ll grab them, you get buckled,” I said. Standing in front of the pantry, I took stock of our under-preparedness. He needed 5 cans for the food drive in order to have a “dress down” day. But, so did his brother. And his sister. And his other sister. Thank God our bookend children have different fundraisers.

These are the moments where adoption unravels me.

It’s not 5 cans… it’s 20, in perpetuity.

In the blink of an eye, I can get caught up in a downward spiral of anxiety. It’s not 1 field trip, it’s 3. School supply lists times 6. Birthdays… 5 in 6 weeks, are you kidding me? What’s a mom to do? Christmas??? Forget about it.

It takes less than 10 seconds for me to remember that high school is around the corner, and I’ll have a senior, junior, sophomore, and freshman AT THE SAME TIME… that have the normal pressures of life, with the added bonus of early childhood adversity. Simultaneously, our oldest two will be newly hatching into adulthood.

We all have something, as foster or adoptive parents, that becomes our undoing. For me, in this season, it’s this:

I feel under-prepared for the future ahead of me all of the time.

A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with a foster parent in crisis. In the middle of them explaining everything happening, they said that reunification was moved 3-4 months down the road. “3-4 MONTHS!”, they cried, “I don’t have 3-4 DAYS in me right now.” Oh, how deeply I understand that cry. How many times have I been there? How many times have I sat with foster and adoptive parents saying the same thing?

The thing is… they’re not wrong. They don’t have 3-4 days in them right now. But, they do have one. One day is all that they need right now. 

20 cans. It’s all I need right now. And, wouldn’t you know - we had 23. 

I’m learning - 20 cans at a time - to shift my focus from an unknown future (that my brain fills with almost certain lack) to today’s provision. It’s a mindset shift that requires effort - you wouldn’t believe how much effort it takes my brain to focus on having exactly what I need for today to do the work right in front of me. But, it’s a worthwhile effort. I don’t need to know how I’m going to survive four high schoolers at the same time. Today, my kids need a mom that’s excited to spend Thanksgiving break with them. I can do that. 

I wonder what this looks like for you? Do you struggle with anxiety? Where does your mental spiral start? And, is there a shift in perspective that might help?