4th day of school

It’s the fourth day of school, and the general landscape of my brain looks like this…. 

$%#@&*%#$!

However you want to translate that, I would just answer, “yes.”  How I’m typing actual words, I’ll never know.

The neurodiversity in my house is BONKERS.
Literal insanity.

Today I found myself emphatically clapping my hands in the kitchen, while enunciating every single word loudly, “Connect your brain to your body”. What’s a mom gotta do to make that a reality in the morning routine?

Deep breath.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

My son woke up in the middle of the night and peed all over my bathroom. I’ll be really honest with you, normally I let that shit go, and I clean it later when I have a spare moment. But, the higher the chaotic energy in my house is, the higher my need for visual white space is. So, I was scrubbing the floors and the toilet 5 minutes after we needed to be walking out the door. It’s the fourth day of school, and they’re already late.

Deep breath.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

I’ve got a kid who can’t move in a straight line in the morning. It takes every ounce of the hour and a half that she’s awake to get her dressed, fed, hair and teeth brushed, shoes on and snack in the backpack. Every single ounce of every single minute. Oh, and she hates to be reminded of her next task, she hates to be rushed, and she hates…hates… to be yelled at. I yelled so much this morning. 

Deep breath.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

It’s not just their neurodiversity, it’s mine too. I add wood to the fire of our mornings just as easily as they do. My kids need scaffolding in a way that I simultaneously understand and deeply struggle to meet. 

Deep breath.

Grace upon grace.

I got a message on my phone at the end of a meeting today. One of my kids had a rough day. If I’m quoting the message, it says, “he was defiant, yelling at me, slamming things, trying to go into the bathroom when other students were in there, etc. Please have a talk with him.” While he was messaging me, another teacher was messaging me about a different child who turned themselves into a tiger cub and was scratching “her claws” on the desk and other students, and hissing at the teacher every time they interacted with her. Conferences are scheduled for next week. 

Deep breath.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

For the past two days, I’ve picked my kids up from school and insisted that they swim in the pool for as long as there’s daylight. This afternoon, I walked into my room, fell across my bed and had a good cry. Tomorrow, I’ll take the morning kid by kid, 15 minutes at a time and see if that helps. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. Then, if all goes right, I’m going to drive to the beach and celebrate back to school the best way I know how… with my toes in the water, sitting in a beach chair, cold drink in my hand. 

Deep Breath.

Grace upon grace upon grace… and maybe a mimosa. 

Keep going. Keep trying. Clear the schedule. Order pizza. Get them in water if you can. One day at a time… we’ve got this.